Salsa Blacklist

March 23, 2008
Salsa Blacklist - Why salsero dancers get blacklisted and what to do about it.

It's the same story anywhere you go. As a salsero, at almost every Latin party, I find that there are one, two, or even three salseras that come to me asking to be "rescued".

It usually goes down like this...

A beautiful salsera walks quickly towards me and sits down next to me, leans over and says one of three things:

1. "Quick! Act like you are going to ask me to dance"
2. "Act like you're my boyfriend"
or
3. "Make believe we are busy talking."

Me, "Why?"

Salsera, "See that guy over there behind you? He's about to ask me to dance, but I don't want to! "

Its a cry of desperation.   These salseras have put certain salseros on a blacklist. And for good reason.

What put them (or you) on a salsa blacklist?

Most of the salseros are nice guys, but the women just want to run away.

Here is the number 1 complaint

"The guy is too rough!"

Guys, when you are leading the girl, do NOT be too rough! Be gentle! Girls do NOT like it when they feel like their arms are going to be ripped out of their sockets! 

What's more, it can be dangerous. Women are not ragdolls for you to throw around.

How do you know if you are too rough?

Here are some signs that you are too rough.

1. You find yourself constantly pulling the girl around.
2. You find yourself constantly pushing the girl too much.
3. You feel like the girl can't follow you. Let me rephrase that "You think all the women you dance with suck, because they can't follow you."
4. You find that she is constantly off balance.
5. You find that women seem to run away from you when you are walking towards them.
6. You find that the women who's run away from you leans over to some other guy (most likely to be rescued.)
7. You find that the guy she just talked to, tries to discretely look around the room! (That's a big tipoff there)
8. The women you just danced with is rubbing her arms like they are sore.

Look for these signs! If you see some or all of these signs, you may be on a salsa blacklist! Kindly ask the salsera who's run away an honest opinion about your dancing.

Simply say

"I'm trying to improve my dancing and want to know how well I'm leading. Am I too rough when I lead you?"

Then you can ask her to dance and ask for feedback as you dance with her so you can adjust your lead.

And please.. For the love of God and all the salseras. If you aren't really sure if you are leading properly, or if the salseras keep running away from you.  Take a private lesson to learn how to lead without being rough!

Miscellaneous Problems

Here's a list of miscellaneous stuff that may put you on the list.  These are difficult for the offender, because you probably don't know its a problem unless someone tells you.

1.  Wet noodles. There's also the opposite problem where guys are considered "wet noodles"  who use no tension what so ever in their lead.
2.  No timing/Leading late  The best followers can follow the worst leaders, but a majority of people don't like it when you have no timing. It means that neither of you are feeling or following the music.
3.  Ambiguous leads.  Avoid ambiguous leads by making your intentions clear.  Don't continuously move your handles in large circular motions when you dance.  The followe will have no idea where to go and what to do.  Move with a purpose.
4.  Bumper cars.  Look out for your lady to keep her from bumping into people on the dance floor.  It's your job to keep her safe. She is following you and needs to completely trust you.  It's not going to happen if she ends up crashing into people all the time.

Whether are not you are having problems leading, be sure to read How good are you at leading? by Esteban Conde

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