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Girls on the Blacklist

Girls on the Blacklist

by Chris

(Putnam, CT US)


Believe black listing of other dancers is not a one way street, the leads do it too and you might be surprised to know that we do far much more than the ladies.


Too self-conscious and self-deprecating: You ask a girl to dance and she begins to apologize about not being good enough, not being a profressional etc You bring the energy level down before the dance even begins. Stop it, its not attractive. If i ask you to dance, its on me if you can’t dance, besides by the time guys ask you, they may have already scoped you out. When you begin to give desclaimers as to why i am to expect a lousy experience, i just want to walk and never come back.


when you hold her hands its like you’re holding overcooked spaghetti. Salsa is built on a connection between lead and follow, so connect damn it. You can see I’m not a fan of the weak, namby pamby, sloppy frame.

Too rigid a frame making it seem as if i’m dancing with a log. These types usually have a propensity to do their own thing, turn in a direction that makes sense to them as opposed to where i am leading. A heavy follow has nothing to do with the girl’s weight or body structure, it has to do with a tendency to be rough and insensitive to the lead. Get it right or you will be watching the dance from the periphery. I’m trying to dance and not get a hernia in the process.

When a guy you’ve never danced with asks you to dance, don’t try and divine by any external features whether or not you think he can dance. Give him a chance because what usually happens is that you decline and then you see him dance with someone else and now you are open to dance with him, only he (ego) has blacklisted you. It happens more often than one would realize.

Another thing: you ask a girl to dance and she says no and the next moment she is dancing with someone else, chances are that she will not be asked again. Without planning on sanctioning girls who do this I have found that I have absolutely no interest in dancing with them. I’d rather dance with a 500 pound beginner. There is a girl I blacklisted like that and even when she asked me, I found myself saying something lame like, sorry I’m tired maybe the next song.

I’m amazed that sometimes the fullblood, A list salseras are the most gracious, then you get some B- Salsera copping an attitude…please!


Comments for Girls on the Blacklist

Feb 25, 2013 a girl on the black list NEW

by: Michael Albano

Once I overheard a girl saying she never dances with people of her level in the nights, since she wants only good dancers because she wants to get better.

She asked me to dance a number of times, and I rejected her all the times. I will NEVER dance with this kind of people, since they are shame for who love to dance.

May 28, 2009 Girls/Guys on the Blacklist

by: Anonymous

Love this topic. Let me preface by saying I am a beginner/intermediate dancer although I’m taking advanced classes. Not sure what that means!
First I’d like to give my two cents of men that might be on the blacklist. Actually I rarely put anyone on a blacklist but here are some tips:
1. Guys getting overly exicted (if you know what I mean) while dancing makes us ladies uncomfortable. Yes the dancing is wonderful and extremely exciting especially when you connect, but save it for the after party would ya?
2. Each guy I’ve danced with has totally different styles so once I finally feel like I’ve figured it out, I’m learning all over again. And a lot of times I can’t tell where they are trying to lead me so I do anticipate a move…probably the wrong one, but give some of us gals a break as it might be for a good reason that we are trying to anticipate your moves.
3. I’ve found from taking lessons, lots of guys seem to be on a totally different beat and have late/early timing and don’t allow me to finish. hmmm…This is most discouraging. I always try to see if there is something I could have done better but when I constantly feel like it just ain’t working then I won’t be going back. And I typically will give anybody a second chance.
4. What I love is guys that can tell that I need a little help who direct me. I’m so greatful for this because I will and do get it and it makes the experience much better. However most Latinos seem to want me to move my hips in a way I just don’t understand. Somebody explain…I thought I moved them well…geesh

Some tips for the ladies:
1. Ladies don’t say no. It takes a lot of courage to ask a beautiful gal to dance and you never, never know. I’m tall and I’ve danced with men a foot and a half shorter than me and it’s been wonderful. You might have to bend a little or help out but hey everything is about compromise. I have a friend who wouldn’t dance with a guy because he wasn’t “her type”…what? It’s dancing. They best way to learn and become proficient is to dance frequently and with many different partners.
2. I do agree with one guys comment about appearing to lack self confidence but I do find it helpful to let a guy know that I am a beginner or as I like to say “not too many tricks, I’m still learning” 🙂
3. Don’t dress like a slob or look like you just woke up. Spend a little time and effort and look cute and show some leg! It’s just dancing.

Jun 18, 2008 Girls on the blacklist

by: Anonymous

I will be the first to admit that I do put girls on a blacklist and it is not because they don’t dance well or are to cocky. It’s mainly due to them being a heavy follower. Don’t get me wrong, you do not have to be overweight to be a heavy follower. I have danced with some overweight women who move beautifully and are very sensitive my lead. However I have also danced with some very light weight women who make me feel like I have to throw them across to do a cross body lead. Salsa is suppose to be about lead and follow along with trusting your partner and communicating well with eachother. Not to workout my arms.

Jun 07, 2008 Not ready to put girls on the blacklist yet

by: Anonymous

I’m a lead beginner and I had girls shun me off because I wasn’t good enough yet. This has only fueled my desire to be the best so I welcome the rejection. I don’t think I’m in a position to put anyone in the blacklist though. I just need to keep dancing with whomever will dance with me so I can get better.

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By David Cubano Mon May 9th 2016 at 6:43 am  

I am a male lead and I only blacklist for rudeness, any skill issues, or if someone just isn’t in the mood, it’s all ok, they will get better some day, Like we all do. But If I get turned down and then next minute she dances with someone she perceives a better choice without properly managing my ego, that’s it. So girls even if you are refusing for whatever reason be graceful and make an effort to think of a viable excuse, because tomorrow this same guy might get really good and you may change your mind.

By Anonymus Tue Oct 25th 2016 at 4:26 pm  

You hit the nail on the head. I’ve heard guys complaining about things like bad follow, odour, sweat, etc, but the oinly real turnoff is rudeness. I remember I was once dancing near a couple where the lead was an instructor. When we started the second dance, the instructor was still dancing with the same girl, but then some half a minute into the song they finished, and my follow just rushed towards him. Ha ha, I was so surprised by this that I did not even feel insulted or upset. It was just so weird. I was rescued by another girl who managed to intercept him before my follow got into closed position and locked in. This was so funny to watch. I wonder is it a bad attittude for me to blacklist this follow or not? What you gals and boys think? :-))

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